Growing Up is Hard!

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of the day of being older. I loved being young, but I wanted to be older. I wanted to do what grown-ups did. I wanted to stay up late. I wanted to eat what I want. There was so much I felt like I could not do.

Now, sometimes I wish I could go back to that moment and tell the little girl, being a grown-up is not all that it seems to be. I love being a grown-up, don't get me wrong. But there is so much responsibility that comes with being a grown up.

This past week, I have only started to realize how much responsibility there is. I have the wonderful opportunity to be at home with my family. We have such a great time together. We learn, love, and laugh together. My family is always there. I have always had the support of my family that I can lean on when my responsibilities get overwhelming. They are always there. I can talk my stresses over with them.

As I near graduation I have been talking with my dad about what I should do (in life and in general, everything). He has always told me to follow my dreams. My dream is to one day work for Disney in their hair and wig shop at Walt Disney World. I am in the process of working on an application and hoping that I can get in. As I have thought about this, I also thought about all the needs and necessities I will have when I get there. I had no transportation vehicle. I have no apartment reserved. I have nothing, except a suitcase full of my belongings. So, over the past few months I have been trying to focus on one need at a time. The first need was transportation. I talked with my dad about getting a car. We researched and looked up what would be the best car.

I narrowed the options down to a Camaro or a Chevy Cruze. My dad loves all his girls, so we have date nights with him on occasion. My date with dad happened to be this past Thursday. He knew that I was looking into cars, so he took me down to the dealership. I was able to test drive a Camaro and a Cruze. He asked me which one I preferred. I came to the conclusion that the most practical car for me and the best fit for me would be the Cruze. We then went in to negotiate a price. My dad happens to be one of the best negotiators I know. He got me a steal of a deal. Now, please note: my dad did not buy the car for me. Although, he did help me get a good deal.

I am now the proud owner of a Chevy Cruze. Now I have the responsibility to pay monthly payments for my car. This is huge. This was the a big step to growing up. I am not sure I like growing up. I think that growing up is hard.

However, there are benefits to growing up too. I see the benefits. I see how much knowledge I have gained. I see all that I have become. I see how much my family loves me. I see all the experiences that have taken place, that have made me into the person I am. I love being me! I love who I am. I am glad I have grown up a little. There is still so much more growing up to do. Here's to growing up!

How I See Me

After learning about God's love, last week, I have found nothing but His love this week. His love has helped me to see me for me. If you asked me last week how I viewed myself, I would have told you that I am invisible. I am a girl that no one notices. I am only noticed for my size. This week, there have been a couple experiences that have changed my view and outlook on how I see me. 

 First, I had a class period that focused on how I view my body, others, and the space I move in. The teacher asked us how we feel about our body, what disadvantages we felt we had concerning our body, and the advantages we had. We learned that it is important to recognize who we are and learn to react. For instance, when we know that we are sons and daughters of God, we should learn to react like them. We should be willing to spread the light of Christ. We should be loving, caring, and kind. We should treat others how Christ would treat them, not how we want to treat them. I learned to let my light so shine. I learned that I need to know that my body was created by God. He made me perfect just the way I am. I should be proud of who I am and let others know that I know God loves me, because he created me. In the beginning of the class I was so negative about my body, but towards the end I was really positive. I love who I am. I am perfect just the way I am. 

Second, I learned that there are always tender mercies. I am always super busy. I am sure you are too. I am always finding ways to keep busy. One way is through my major. I am constantly working on shows. I am always doing some type of hair or makeup. Sometimes I feel like I have to do everything myself. However, that is not always the case. I learned this week that I can rely on others. I can ask for help. It is okay to ask for help. God had given us people who love and care, to help us through the hard times. He is always watching out for us, because he cares about us.

Third, I learned that makeup is not everything. My little sister turned sixteen this past week. To spend some time with her and make her feel special (because everyone needs to feel special at some point in their lives), I took her to see The DUFF. If you have not seen this movie I highly recommend the film. Here is the trailer, just watch. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tbRlEXrysU) You will not regret. Normally when I go see films I analyze the makeup, and do not get anything out of the film, except for deciding whether or not the makeup artist did a good job. Well, this time was different. The film drew me in from the beginning, because you do not see their faces at first. You only see the bottom half of people. I could not focus on their faces. Instead, I decided to focus on the message. The message was interesting. It was all about a DUFF (the designated ugly fat friend). Everyone will be a DUFF at some point or another. There will always be someone who is richer and prettier than you are. The point is to recognize who you are and own it. Recognize who you are and be proud of who you are. You are only amazing as you think you are. Be amazing and proud of who you are. Do not worry about how others see you, worry about how you see yourself. 

So, this week I have learned to see me in a new light. I have learned to see my strengths instead of my weaknesses. No one owns me. I am my own person. I  have learned that it does not matter my shape or size. It only matters how I view me and what I am going to do to let others see who I really am. Be me!! Be proud of who I am! I am perfect.  I hope you will take my advice and learning. Be you!! Be proud of who you are!! You are perfect just the way you are. 

Love Beyond Comprehension

This week, especially today has always been the hardest week each year for me. I personally hate Valentine's Day. I hate this holiday for many reasons. I will explain, but please note this is very personal to me. Not many people know this, because I do not like to share my dating life with others. 

As a young girl growing up, I was always the last one to be picked on a team. I was not very athletic. I have always been a little heavy for my size. I do not have the pretty face. I am the girl that was always made fun of because of what she looked like, how she spoke, and how she read. Needless to say...I had troubles growing up. I had low self-esteem. I still struggle with this today. 

Now, that does not mean I did not have a great childhood. I did! I loved everything I did and learned that made me who I am today. I love being me! But having a low self-esteem does not help. 

Today at age 25 (26 in less than two months), I still struggle with low self-esteem. Perhaps that is why only one guy has ever asked me out. I can count on my hands the number of dates I have been on in my entire life. I have never been on a second date. I have never held hands. Never kissed. I have never had a boyfriend. Do you get the sense of why I hate Valentine's Day? I have never been able to share my love with anyone special. Special meaning, Someone that I can tell all my secrets to, someone I can rely on and love forever, or who will love me. Since I have not had any of this I hate this crazy holiday. 

Is this all because of low self-esteem? Well, no but I know that my self-esteem does not help the fact. But I try not to focus on the low self-esteem. I always try to rise above it and be happy. Things I do to help my self-esteem grow: I have to continually read the scriptures, rely on my Savior, and hope for the best. 

As Valentine's Day approached I started to feel sad. I felt depressed. No guy has ever liked me. It got to the point this week that I was so vulnerable I did not think I would ever be able to be loved or feel loved. I realized I needed to go back to the basics and study my scriptures. As I studied, I came across a great passage. This passage pricked my heart...I feel like everyone needs to learn this message and know. I guess I never realized how true this statement is. 

              "Never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. That love NEVER changes.... It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God's love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve it. it is SIMPLY ALWAYS THERE." 

                                           -Elder Holland, Like a Broken Vessel (October 2013)

No matter what I look like, no matter if  I ever get a second date, hold hands or kiss a guy, God's love is always there for me. He loves me. He knows me. He will always be there for me in my ups and downs. He will always be ready to listen to my secrets. He shows me that he cares. He is someone I can always rely on and love forever. 

I will never lose sight of this love again. Please know that your Father in Heaven loves you! He will always love you no matter what you do, how you think, or how you feel. He will always love you. I hope to always remember that God is always there, even through the hard times. I hope to remember even on Valentine's Day, that I will never be alone. I will always have God's love. That is all that really matters to me. I know I am loved. I know I am special. I will always be able to share my Valentine's Day with my Father in Heaven. I guess I could learn to love Valentine's Day if I keep that in mind. 

Learning New Skills

Well, I may not know everything about makeup yet, but I was sure tested in one area this week. I was given the assignment to create a design for Airbrush Makeup. We had to come up with a design, and then apply airbrush makeup using certain techniques. Airbrush makeup is a makeup that looks flawless, and is used mainly for films. There are many things you can use airbrush for.
                             Stylized                                    or                                  Glamour
                                               
There are other things you can do, but for our class we focused on stylized and glamour. Glamour is used mainly for the red carpet shows for the Emmy's, Tony's, Music Awards, etc. Stylized we can  use for anything, from horror films to making clowns, and fantasy to real.

To apply airbrush makeup you use an airbrush machine. This type of makeup goes on without the artist ever touching the face of the model. The machine sprays the makeup on to the face with the tool of a pencil. We pour the liquid makeup into the pencil. Then the pencil, with the help of air and special techniques, blows the makeup onto the face.

I learned that airbrush makeup is very beneficial. For instance, the makeup is quick, efficient, and the best way to make a profit. I can charge about twice as much as I want with this kind of makeup, than with any other makeup. The new industry calls for all types of makeup, and so learning this new skill has helped me become prepared for the future and as an artist.

I did learn, though as I did this skill that it is very hard to make the makeup look flawless. You have to be a perfectionist, to work with this makeup. There was a moment where my makeup did not look flawless. It is easy to make a mistake. If you do not move in a certain pattern you can make the model look like they are dirty, have blemishes, or have a rare skin condition. This technique of makeup is precise. If you are not precise then the makeup looks awful. I am trying to become an expert, but learning new skills takes time. I need more practice. I have a machine of my own, and I hope to be able to practice and become the expert I want to be and to become very successful in the makeup industry.

I definitely learned new skills and am able to challenge myself. Learning new skills is a great asset to any industry, but especially to the makeup industry. As I learn new techniques they help me to move with the industry. The makeup industry is always changing and evolving. There are always new ideas, new designs, and new technology to improve what can be done to make a person look beautiful or stylized. I hope to always learn new skills and improve myself so I can change with the industry, and stay with the hottest trends and techniques.