As a young girl growing up, I was always the last one to be picked on a team. I was not very athletic. I have always been a little heavy for my size. I do not have the pretty face. I am the girl that was always made fun of because of what she looked like, how she spoke, and how she read. Needless to say...I had troubles growing up. I had low self-esteem. I still struggle with this today.
Now, that does not mean I did not have a great childhood. I did! I loved everything I did and learned that made me who I am today. I love being me! But having a low self-esteem does not help.
Today at age 25 (26 in less than two months), I still struggle with low self-esteem. Perhaps that is why only one guy has ever asked me out. I can count on my hands the number of dates I have been on in my entire life. I have never been on a second date. I have never held hands. Never kissed. I have never had a boyfriend. Do you get the sense of why I hate Valentine's Day? I have never been able to share my love with anyone special. Special meaning, Someone that I can tell all my secrets to, someone I can rely on and love forever, or who will love me. Since I have not had any of this I hate this crazy holiday.
Is this all because of low self-esteem? Well, no but I know that my self-esteem does not help the fact. But I try not to focus on the low self-esteem. I always try to rise above it and be happy. Things I do to help my self-esteem grow: I have to continually read the scriptures, rely on my Savior, and hope for the best.
As Valentine's Day approached I started to feel sad. I felt depressed. No guy has ever liked me. It got to the point this week that I was so vulnerable I did not think I would ever be able to be loved or feel loved. I realized I needed to go back to the basics and study my scriptures. As I studied, I came across a great passage. This passage pricked my heart...I feel like everyone needs to learn this message and know. I guess I never realized how true this statement is.
"Never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. That love NEVER changes.... It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God's love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve it. it is SIMPLY ALWAYS THERE."
-Elder Holland, Like a Broken Vessel (October 2013)
No matter what I look like, no matter if I ever get a second date, hold hands or kiss a guy, God's love is always there for me. He loves me. He knows me. He will always be there for me in my ups and downs. He will always be ready to listen to my secrets. He shows me that he cares. He is someone I can always rely on and love forever.
I will never lose sight of this love again. Please know that your Father in Heaven loves you! He will always love you no matter what you do, how you think, or how you feel. He will always love you. I hope to always remember that God is always there, even through the hard times. I hope to remember even on Valentine's Day, that I will never be alone. I will always have God's love. That is all that really matters to me. I know I am loved. I know I am special. I will always be able to share my Valentine's Day with my Father in Heaven. I guess I could learn to love Valentine's Day if I keep that in mind.
Thank you so much for your post, I really needed to hear this. I sometimes forget how much my Heavenly Father loves me and that is when I feel truly alone, but when I reach out to him and feel his love I know I could never truly be alone even if no one else is around me or understands me.
ReplyDeleteValerie,
ReplyDeleteAll of my life I've struggled with the concept of whether or not God loved me. I tend to look at things very logically and so I always asked myself "how on earth could Heavenly Father or the Savior ever love someone like me?" It just didn't make sense for many reasons, not the least of which being that for a long time in my life I really cared less about making righteous decisions. To this day I continue to ask myself how, why, and all sorts of other variations of questioning God's love for me. It hasn't been until recently in my life where I've finally started to learn about and accept and trust in such a love and as I have it has been extremely empowering. Thank you for your post and your testimony about the love of God.